Weekly Update - 11th August
Dear sisters and brothers
Many years ago (when I was young and foolish!) I got into a debate about religion with a stranger. To call it a debate is, in fact, to give the encounter more dignity than it deserves. Neither of us was actually interested in what the other had to say and I realised, after some time, that we were both simply waiting for the other person to draw breath in order to jump in and say our piece. Neither of us was listening and we both went away frustrated and none the wiser in every sense of the phrase.
Listening is much under-rated and talking is over-rated – or at least, talking without being listened to is over-rated. When someone actually takes the time to listen to us it can be a comforting, liberating, and even healing experience. That is especially so when they don’t only listen to what we say, but try to understand what we mean: which are not always the same thing. We need to be listened to. Time and again in the Psalms the psalmist cries out, “Lord, listen to me”. It is a cry of the heart.
If that is so then we can do a lot for people by listening to them. But listening is not always as easy as we think. Very often whilst we are listening to the other person what we are really doing is thinking about what we are going to say next. Paying attention to what the person is saying and not to what we think about what the person is saying can be important. As can listening with and to the body. We need to pay attention to the other person’s ‘body language’ and we need to listen with our eyes and body: leaning in, showing that we are interested – that we are really listening. And when we do speak, a real listener more often than not asks a question: “and how did that make you feel?”….”what did you do next?”….”was that what made them so special to you?”. However, very often the correct response is a quiet acknowledgment of what we have been told, or even silence. If someone has been truly listened to they can come away far more the wiser than if they have been talked at.
But what shall we do when there is no-one to listen to us? Then we return to the Psalms and with the psalmist cry out, “Lord, listen to me.” The Lord does listen to us with understanding and compassion and there are times when the silence which follows is both the comfort of knowing that we have been heard and we are loved, and the place where wisdom can be found.
So I would urge you to come to the one who listens to you, and having been listened to with patience and love, to learn to listen to others in the same way.
With love from Sarah and I
Ian
Rev. Ian Aitken
52 Ashgrove Road West
ABERDEEN
AB16 5EE
Tel. 01224 686929
iaitken@churchofscotland.org.uk
www.stockethillchurch.org.uk
Aberdeen: Stockethill Church of Scotland
Scottish Charity Number - SC030587